What Birth Work Taught Me About Time, Effort, and Trust

I used to think pushing myself to maximum exertion was a talent to be proud of, and while there is something about my ability to perform under pressure that works well in the birth room, becoming a doula has really forced me to deprogram from this relationship with hustling and time.

Here are a few childbirth lessons that changed my relationship with deadlines and the grind:

1. Babies are never "late" or "overdue"

I often hear people refer to a baby gestating past 40 weeks as late and the truth is there is no such thing.

The standard method of measuring due dates is based on one German obstetrician in the 1800s and while the frequency of inductions makes collecting statistics challenging, a 2001 study found that a more accurate estimated due date would be 40 weeks and 5 days. The unpredictability of waiting for spontaneous labor requires a level of acceptance that is difficult for many.

As a doula, being on call for a 6 week period pushed me to be more present, rested, and flexible with my commitments because of the need to be adequately energized at any given moment. The possibility of last minute changes called for clear communication with my other clients and overall I became more adaptable and less apologetic about needing to reprioritize, even if that means disappointing people.

2. Pushing harder and longer isn't "better"

Pushing is the second stage of physiological birth. When left uninterrupted, birthers will often intuitively (and abruptly) move into a pushing position and allow their body to lead.

In hospital births, it's common for medical providers to check dilation throughout labor (although you have the right to decline these cervical checks) and once dilation reaches 10 cm, birthers are typically instructed to begin pushing. Some hospitals practice "delayed pushing," which is usually defined as waiting at least one hour or for the body's urge to push, but in my experience this isn't the standard.

Just like my problem with calling babies late, using the word "delayed" to describe the pushing orients the body's process as an adversary to time. Pushing on command does lead to a shorter second stage, but it also increases chances of oxygen loss, exhaustion, and tearing. Similarly, pushing myself prematurely with work may get the job done, but it's worth it to slow down and consider first at what cost.

3. When in doubt, come back to the breath.

It's kinda my motto to life in general, but definitely in childbirth.

Returning to breath, listening to the sound of an inhale and exhale; observing. This can bring focus to the present moment as well as activate the parasympathetic nervous system, giving the ability to feel present and connected. It can allow the body's wisdom to wake up and guide us toward more aligned action, such as intuitive pushing.

That's the same thing I do anytime I want to move with more confidence and ease. Ask, breathe, listen. It took a long time to reconnect to trust in my intuition, but now that I am in regular practice with my inner voice, I trust when it guides me to change course in my life.

As with birth, so much of life asks us to honor timing we can't control. If these lessons taught me anything, it's that sustainable change starts with presence, not pressure. My hope is that these reminders help you soften into your own pace and listen for what's calling you next. May you move through the rest of your week with breath, trust, and a little more room to be human.