Diary of a Spirit Doula
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Birth is messy. Life is messy. Humans are messy.
My path as a business owner has been super messy, and as my sixth year of business gets into full swing, it’s easy to reminisce on those early years with a generous, kind eye - the details in distant view and the lessons I needed at the forefront.
Time Makes You Bolder
“Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?”
That lyric from Landslide is the one that keeps echoing for me, because I’ve asked myself this question over and over again. Especially this year.
No Longer Split in Half: A Year of Self Acceptance
At the end of 2024, I sent that dramatic announcement that my doula business was closing. At the time, it felt true. I was exhausted by versions of work that didn’t honor my actual capacity or the fullness of my gifts.
What I didn’t know yet was that I wasn’t being asked to leave birth work behind—I was being asked to come back to it differently. Standing where I am now, it’s clear that this year wasn’t about starting over... it was about returning, with more honesty.
What Birth Work Taught Me About Time, Effort, and Trust
I used to think pushing myself to maximum exertion was a talent to be proud of, and while there is something about my ability to perform under pressure that works well in the birth room, becoming a doula has really forced me to deprogram from this relationship with hustling and time.
Sharing a few childbirth lessons that changed my relationship with deadlines and the grind.
Schooled by the Spirits: More Lessons in Self-Trust
I asked the spirits if a baby was in my client’s path and the answer was a very loud “No.”
My inner people-pleaser was shaking in her boots, but after 4+ years of intentionally developing my mediumship, I knew I had to do what I was hired to do: trust myself.
3 Things I'd Do BEFORE Becoming A Mother
Most people I’ve talked to express conflicted feelings about childbirth. There’s an inner pull, an assumption even, that birthing and motherhood are inevitable in their path but it’s always been paired with deep fears.
There’s fear of childbirth itself: the pain, uncertainty, and logistics required birthing within medical and political systems. Then there’s also fears rooted in the common wounds of our human experience: self doubt, fractured familial relationships, the future of the world.
The Birth Realm: Kiernan’s Story
When I first began utilizing energy work in my doula practice, I started with what I knew then: distance Reiki sessions to offer my clients a restful space to clear outside influences and connect with their own intuition, desires, and for the pregnant, their babies. Typically a client would hop on our Zoom call, share a little about how they've been feeling, what fears around birthing have been coming up, & what decisions they needed support talking through.
Where there is death, there is (re)birth
It’s been 4 years since I let my world die, rot, and rebirth.
I was a wife to a grocery worker, attending births with my PTO while working my 9 to 5 healthcare job in the wake of a global pandemic. Counting the minutes ‘til my toddler’s bedtime and crying myself to sleep from exhaustion were regular occurrences.
I was emotionally isolated, spiritually starved, and worst of all – this was the average state of most moms I knew, so I told myself, “This is normal. This is motherhood. In fact, this is good compared to [so and so],” dismissing my misery because others were experiencing worse.
Everyone Deserves a Doula
I want to share this piece I wrote for Nevada County Citizens for Choice. I’m a birth doula in San Francisco, but I was invited to contribute to their quarterly reproductive rights advocacy newsletter! This was published last Fall and a friend reminded me that I probably should have shared the article that describes exactly what I and other birth doulas and fullspectruma doulas do!
Dear pregnant Siobhan…
I see you.
You’ve imagined becoming a mother for a long time and now it’s happening. You can’t wait to meet your baby, but the thought of giving birth and becoming a mother makes your chest and throat tighten.