Diary of a Spirit Doula
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Time Makes You Bolder
“Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?”
That lyric from Landslide is the one that keeps echoing for me, because I’ve asked myself this question over and over again. Especially this year.
No Longer Split in Half: A Year of Self Acceptance
At the end of 2024, I sent that dramatic announcement that my doula business was closing. At the time, it felt true. I was exhausted by versions of work that didn’t honor my actual capacity or the fullness of my gifts.
What I didn’t know yet was that I wasn’t being asked to leave birth work behind—I was being asked to come back to it differently. Standing where I am now, it’s clear that this year wasn’t about starting over... it was about returning, with more honesty.
What Birth Work Taught Me About Time, Effort, and Trust
I used to think pushing myself to maximum exertion was a talent to be proud of, and while there is something about my ability to perform under pressure that works well in the birth room, becoming a doula has really forced me to deprogram from this relationship with hustling and time.
Sharing a few childbirth lessons that changed my relationship with deadlines and the grind.
Altar Ego: A Practice for Liberating the Selves Within
In addition to my work as a birth doula and childbirth educator, I've also co-founded a non-denominational church for artists, Church of Soft Power, where I hold free gatherings centered on connecting with our creativity.
I believe creativity is an extension of birthing and I often talk about the ways birthing as a process is not exclusive to children.
What Does it Mean to "Honor Your Body's Wisdom?"
When it comes to childbirth, "your body was made for this" is not the same as "your body holds the wisdom you need."
The first one upholds an unrealistic (and honestly ableist) standard that leaves people feeling broken when their body deviates from this over-generalization.
The latter statement honors the codes of ancestral wisdom alive in your DNA and aims to empower your ability to trust yourself in naming what is best for you—whether you're at home, at a hospital, medicated or not, uninterrupted or with medical interventions.
Schooled by the Spirits: More Lessons in Self-Trust
I asked the spirits if a baby was in my client’s path and the answer was a very loud “No.”
My inner people-pleaser was shaking in her boots, but after 4+ years of intentionally developing my mediumship, I knew I had to do what I was hired to do: trust myself.
3 Things I'd Do BEFORE Becoming A Mother
Most people I’ve talked to express conflicted feelings about childbirth. There’s an inner pull, an assumption even, that birthing and motherhood are inevitable in their path but it’s always been paired with deep fears.
There’s fear of childbirth itself: the pain, uncertainty, and logistics required birthing within medical and political systems. Then there’s also fears rooted in the common wounds of our human experience: self doubt, fractured familial relationships, the future of the world.
The Birth Realm: Kiernan’s Story
When I first began utilizing energy work in my doula practice, I started with what I knew then: distance Reiki sessions to offer my clients a restful space to clear outside influences and connect with their own intuition, desires, and for the pregnant, their babies. Typically a client would hop on our Zoom call, share a little about how they've been feeling, what fears around birthing have been coming up, & what decisions they needed support talking through.
Where there is death, there is (re)birth
It’s been 4 years since I let my world die, rot, and rebirth.
I was a wife to a grocery worker, attending births with my PTO while working my 9 to 5 healthcare job in the wake of a global pandemic. Counting the minutes ‘til my toddler’s bedtime and crying myself to sleep from exhaustion were regular occurrences.
I was emotionally isolated, spiritually starved, and worst of all – this was the average state of most moms I knew, so I told myself, “This is normal. This is motherhood. In fact, this is good compared to [so and so],” dismissing my misery because others were experiencing worse.
Spirit Baby or Ancestor Returned?
“Is it selfish to have a baby during the end of the world?”
I hear this sentiment often and first I have to say: this is not the end of THE world — its the end of A world. A world under the grips of a small population of oppressive, unfortunately influential fascists. The era of patriarchal dominance is dying and as it flails to survive, it digs itself deeper into destruction. Energies of abundance, creativity, interdependence, and sovereignty are rising to rebalance and there are spirits that wish to come to Earth and participate in this incoming paradigm.
Everyone Deserves a Doula
I want to share this piece I wrote for Nevada County Citizens for Choice. I’m a birth doula in San Francisco, but I was invited to contribute to their quarterly reproductive rights advocacy newsletter! This was published last Fall and a friend reminded me that I probably should have shared the article that describes exactly what I and other birth doulas and fullspectruma doulas do!
Dear pregnant Siobhan…
I see you.
You’ve imagined becoming a mother for a long time and now it’s happening. You can’t wait to meet your baby, but the thought of giving birth and becoming a mother makes your chest and throat tighten.