No Longer Split in Half: A Year of Self Acceptance

At the end of 2024, I sent that dramatic announcement that my doula business was closing. At the time, it felt true. I was exhausted by versions of work that didn’t honor my actual capacity or the fullness of my gifts.

What I didn’t know yet was that I wasn’t being asked to leave birth work behind—I was being asked to come back to it differently.  Standing where I am now, it’s clear that this year wasn’t about starting over... it was about returning, with more honesty.

Over the course of this year, I found joy in birth support again, but in a new flavor. One that felt aligned, spacious, and real. 

I began bringing mediumship into the homes of traditional home birth clients. Supporting births from the altar while a partner doula attended in the hospital. Naming spirit baby mediumship explicitly as part of my offerings instead of tucking it quietly into the margins.

I stopped pretending that my work could or should be split in half.

Now I’m ending this year feeling whole, equipped, motivated, and clear.

That clarity didn’t arrive easily. This year asked things of me that I didn’t expect. It has been a year of the snake—of shedding, tightening up energy leaks, learning how to hold my boundaries, and believing in myself and my own healing in a deeper way. 

I discovered how capable I am. Not only to serve, but to lead. And that required a conscious rewriting of my stories, every single day, and learning how to receive help.

Alongside these shifts also came a quieter, but just as significant, evolution in my leadership as I implemented more structure and accountability in my business, which required vulnerability and self-acceptance in ways I hadn’t practiced before. 

I hired Vibe Caster to help me build systems that work for my neurotype—nonlinear, emergent, and sometimes overly optimistic with my time 😅. Then I on-boarded Marj Ostani to help me honor my work through more consistent storytelling and sharing.

To grow as the doula and business owner I needed to be for my clients, I needed to exhale my fears of being judged for my “messy” process and allow support in. I had been "chaotic" for too long and it was finally time. To be accountable to my dreams. To release complete control in exchange for meaningful collaboration. To sit in the discomfort of being accountable to my own word, my visions, and my calling.

These pivots and leaps were all guided by the spirit of Mother of PEARL: a higher self presence who has shown me - through meditation, synchronicities, ceremony, & dreams - the potential for my life when I choose alignment over fear.

I no longer need the full picture to take the next step. I trust myself to move when the invitation comes.

Existing through this world around us has been key in sharpening that clarity, too. We are living through multiple genocides, state-sanctioned terrors, and ongoing assaults on reproductive justice. 

Witnessing this has solidified something in me: the work I do was made for this moment. Reclaiming intuition, spiritual channels, and creative autonomy is not indulgent but is an act of resistance.

Sharing this work is no longer optional for me. It's a responsibility.

All of this has led me here: to a place where my work feels coherent, my leadership feels embodied, and my choices feel rooted in something I can stand on.

As the year winds down, there’s a deep sense of completion in my body. Embracing the realities of what it takes to lay sustainable foundations within my family, my local village, and my business. This season deeply feels less like striving and more like arriving. Not at an end point, of course, but at a grounded place where I can finally stand and say: this is me and I’m ready for what comes next.

And of course this was all made possible through those that trusted me to show up with my gifts and offer care as I grow and learn in realm time. Thank you to every client, peer doula, and newsletter subscriber for making this revelation possible.